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sick_wilson2011-06-05 11:52 pm
rslhilson.livejournal.com) wrote in sick_wilson2011-06-05 11:52 pm
Entry tags:
Heavy Lifting
Title: Heavy Lifting
Author: rslhilson
Rating: T
Pairing: H/W slash
Words: 537
Summary: Wilson's weight-lifting attempt doesn't quite go as planned. This is my first crack at a dialogue-only fic, so hope it's not too bad haha.
Disclaimer: Wish I had something to claim, but alas...
Author's Notes: Written for the Random Items challenge - free weights, a broken lamp, and a Conan the Barbarian DVD.
Wilson, what the hell?
Oh, thank God. Could it have taken you any longer to get home?
I’m a cripple, in case you haven’t noticed. Jesus, Wilson, what the hell did you do?
Oh, don’t make me repeat it; it’s embarrassing enough as it is.
By embarrassing, I think you mean hilarious. Oh, lookie there – who’s that handsome fella?
I already told you, House.
You told me you were watching a DVD. You didn’t tell me it was a DVD of a hot gladiator porno.
What? House, he’s not a gladiator, he’s a barbarian. And this isn’t a porno.
Uh huh.
You gonna help me up, or what?
Relax, sassy pants.
Umph.
Onto the couch you go.
Thanks.
Let me get a look at your feet.
Owww…
God, Wilson. You would injure both feet in two different ways at the same time. No wonder you called a cripple to drag you back to the couch.
Not to mention my arms are dead.
Since when do you lift weights, anyway?
There’s a first time for everything.
I guess there’s also a first time for dropping one weight on your left foot and sending the other flying into the lamp. Have you even seen these cuts on your right foot?
Why no, I haven’t. Inform me, will you?
How did this even happen? And what’s with the gladiator porno?
Oh, for the love of…House, it’s not a porno. It’s Conan the Barbarian.
You mean Conan the Hot-and-Steamy Porn Star Barbarian.
He’s a…fantasy hero of sorts.
I’ll say. Wouldn’t have taken you for the barbarian type.
He’s got a great body, that’s all. I was going to do some weight lifting, and I figured he’d be motivational.
And by weight lifting, you mean jerking off.
No, House. I mean weight lifting. In case my injured feet haven’t made that clear.
Good point. So, the free weights…?
I thought I could gain a little muscle if I put some effort into it.
But I like your manly paunch.
So do heart attacks. Anyway, I didn’t think I could handle more than one heavy one at a time, so I took one in one hand and a lighter one in the other.
And you dropped the heavy one onto your foot.
And flung the lighter one into the lamp.
Which shattered by your other foot.
You’re smiling? Seriously?
You’re so cute when you’re stupid, Wilson.
Why yes, that is exactly the way to flatter me in my hour of need.
Relax, sassy pants. I’ll go get the first aid kit. You’re lucky nothing’s broken, but we should get you some crutches.
Have I mentioned that I don’t much care for being called sassy pants?
You’re the sassiest dude I know. However, I would prefer you not to be in pants.
After what happened today, I wouldn’t push your luck.
Oh, come on, you’ll be fine. Nothing that Dr. House can’t fix.
Dr. House needs to stop being an ass and trying to…to get me to...ohhhhh yes…
Have I mentioned how sexy you are compared to the barbarian freak?
Shut up and fuck me, House.
Of course, if you wanted to try the weight lifting thing again…
House. Shut up.
Sassy pants.
Ass.
Author: rslhilson
Rating: T
Pairing: H/W slash
Words: 537
Summary: Wilson's weight-lifting attempt doesn't quite go as planned. This is my first crack at a dialogue-only fic, so hope it's not too bad haha.
Disclaimer: Wish I had something to claim, but alas...
Author's Notes: Written for the Random Items challenge - free weights, a broken lamp, and a Conan the Barbarian DVD.
Wilson, what the hell?
Oh, thank God. Could it have taken you any longer to get home?
I’m a cripple, in case you haven’t noticed. Jesus, Wilson, what the hell did you do?
Oh, don’t make me repeat it; it’s embarrassing enough as it is.
By embarrassing, I think you mean hilarious. Oh, lookie there – who’s that handsome fella?
I already told you, House.
You told me you were watching a DVD. You didn’t tell me it was a DVD of a hot gladiator porno.
What? House, he’s not a gladiator, he’s a barbarian. And this isn’t a porno.
Uh huh.
You gonna help me up, or what?
Relax, sassy pants.
Umph.
Onto the couch you go.
Thanks.
Let me get a look at your feet.
Owww…
God, Wilson. You would injure both feet in two different ways at the same time. No wonder you called a cripple to drag you back to the couch.
Not to mention my arms are dead.
Since when do you lift weights, anyway?
There’s a first time for everything.
I guess there’s also a first time for dropping one weight on your left foot and sending the other flying into the lamp. Have you even seen these cuts on your right foot?
Why no, I haven’t. Inform me, will you?
How did this even happen? And what’s with the gladiator porno?
Oh, for the love of…House, it’s not a porno. It’s Conan the Barbarian.
You mean Conan the Hot-and-Steamy Porn Star Barbarian.
He’s a…fantasy hero of sorts.
I’ll say. Wouldn’t have taken you for the barbarian type.
He’s got a great body, that’s all. I was going to do some weight lifting, and I figured he’d be motivational.
And by weight lifting, you mean jerking off.
No, House. I mean weight lifting. In case my injured feet haven’t made that clear.
Good point. So, the free weights…?
I thought I could gain a little muscle if I put some effort into it.
But I like your manly paunch.
So do heart attacks. Anyway, I didn’t think I could handle more than one heavy one at a time, so I took one in one hand and a lighter one in the other.
And you dropped the heavy one onto your foot.
And flung the lighter one into the lamp.
Which shattered by your other foot.
You’re smiling? Seriously?
You’re so cute when you’re stupid, Wilson.
Why yes, that is exactly the way to flatter me in my hour of need.
Relax, sassy pants. I’ll go get the first aid kit. You’re lucky nothing’s broken, but we should get you some crutches.
Have I mentioned that I don’t much care for being called sassy pants?
You’re the sassiest dude I know. However, I would prefer you not to be in pants.
After what happened today, I wouldn’t push your luck.
Oh, come on, you’ll be fine. Nothing that Dr. House can’t fix.
Dr. House needs to stop being an ass and trying to…to get me to...ohhhhh yes…
Have I mentioned how sexy you are compared to the barbarian freak?
Shut up and fuck me, House.
Of course, if you wanted to try the weight lifting thing again…
House. Shut up.
Sassy pants.
Ass.
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