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sick_wilson2010-07-10 06:17 am
Fic : Never Smile At a Crocodile
Author: menolly_au
Words: 491
Warnings : Extreme silliness
Summary : Wilson is sleeping. A bunch of animals plan to do him harm.
Written for Camp Sick!Wilson Badge Drabble/fic challenge.
Just a bit of silliness that comes from writing fic at 6.00 in the morning.
So a random bunch of animals were gathered in the forest, looking at the man sleeping alone by the camp fire.
“He is so cute!” the bee buzzed. “How could anyone possibly harm someone as cute as he? Look at his soft brown puppy eyes and his floppy hair. I think I am in love.”
The ant snorted, bees were so sentimental.
“I can hurt him! I will call up an army and we will march upon his camp and swarm over his body. And not only that...”, he paused dramatically. “We will take away all his cookies!”
“Ants! Ants can't hurt him,” scoffed the owl. “Don't send an ant to do a man's job. I will do it.”
The others looked at him with scorn.
“An owl? What can an owl do to a big strong oncologist?” hissed the snake. He coiled himself up and then slithered around the other animals. “I will do it, just the mere sight of me will have him screaming for that House fellow like a little girl. And then I will strike! I will bury my fangs in his body and ---”
“And what? “ scoffed the bear. “You are just a harmless garden variety snake, you are not even venomous. He will probably take you home as a pet. Or eat you. No, I will do it. With one swipe of my mighty paw I will rip all the hair from his head!”
“Oh no! Not the hair! Anything but the hair,” shrilled the bee.
The coyote laughed.
“A bear! He will just climb on that tree and hide from you. What fun is that? Now I can really do him harm. I'm fast and sneaky and have sharp claws and teeth, he will be torn to ribbons when I am finished with him.”
“Oh look, over there! It's roadrunner!” yelled out the crab.
“Roadrunner? I will catch him!” the coyote laughed evilly and sped off after the roadrunner.
“Thank heavens he is gone, he was so scary.” The crab scuttled around the edges of the forest. “I'm not going out there, he will catch me and put me in a pot of boiling water and eat me!”
Suddenly there was a disturbance in the bushes and a giant crocodile strode on past, not pausing to look at them. The animals all sighed. They knew there was no point in staying, the crocodile would finish the man off in very quick time. They were foiled again. Disappointed, they slunk back into the forest.
Wilson woke up with a start, bleary eyes staring at the crocodile making himself at home by the fire.
“Um, can I help you?” he asked, polite as always to strangers.
The crocodile smiled at him, showing two rows of gleaming white teeth.
“Yeah, you got any marshmallows? I'm starving.”
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That was great, cute story.
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Who doesn't love the bee? xD
(Anonymous) 2010-07-10 06:16 am (UTC)(link)Re: Who doesn't love the bee? xD
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--I can't stop laughing! And why does the crocodile sound just like House? Absolutely adorable.
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“I will do it, just the mere sight of me will have him screaming for that House fellow like a little girl."
“Oh no! Not the hair! Anything but the hair,” shrilled the bee." LOL
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Oh my God, that was hysterical. And the roadrunner hing too.
I bet they all just really want to snuggle up to Wilson in the sleeping bag anyway. :)
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That was just the silliness I needed in my life right now.
Thanks!
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